All is well my love

 

My dearest …..💓

You have no idea of how miserable my smile is , I cry till morning logging for your touch and presence something that I took for granted all along. Even if you find that funny, I will still want your touch and maybe I will forever miss you. Every sense of my being was happy and holding on to you was the best I could do then. I was probably too much on you, which makes it so sad to hold on too and well, I always felt you pulling away but I still hoped that you will feel the same but unfortunately I was exhausting you. If I recall properly I can surely say you did show me that you were unhappy but because I was so obsessed with myself being the right one all along I ignored that, which I think made you feel unheard and maybe miss-understood for that I am deeply sorry and I hope you will forgive me.

I was unhappy about lots of things myself which was very immature of me to expect you to fix those gaps of my issues, Time went by very quickly next thing I saw we were celebrating our 1 year anniversary which also I could have made it so special for you and I but I was too obsessed with the future that I wanted for you and me. I was not happy with your life choices to a point that I made it sound like a deep sin. That made me so remorseful about you being you and doing things that you loved which now I think those things made it easier for you to leave me like this. I will take all of my pain and unresolved emotions that are in my head right now and try to burry them so that I can live life like you and be happy like nothing ever happened. 

The way we were so obsessed with one another I somehow fail to understand how can you live this long without talking to me or even texting me. It is so strange that you can forget about me so quickly. Well I kind of knew that your love for me was not so strong because constantly I would ask you how do you do it ? especially when we have not spoken to each other but I will not find any messages from you well I now see I was important maybe but I was not the person you would die for. It hurts to say it loud but with time I am certain it will all fade maybe then I will be okay. I had so many signs that indicated that you were not on the same page as me about other things but I still hoped that one day you and I will be the power couple. I told you that I was willing to do anything for you and risk it all for us but look at us now , I guess all of my love and commitment was not enough for you at the end and sadly I cannot do anything about that.

Forgetting you is going to be impossible for me because now I know that loving someone comes naturally and there is no room for faking that connection I had with you. however it was still not enough for you to at least fight for it but then again I now understand. I will not say that you were not true to me however your actions made it very easy for me to feel unloved, unheard, unprotected and mostly unappreciated. I now understand with all of these things our love was too weak and could not survive the tribulations that came in our direction and then again I now understand. I would ask you to make time for us and ask you to come see me and whenever you could not I would understand your reasons however I then understood that I was never your priority to began with because when you wanted to come see me, you always made time. I was too attached to you that I allowed myself to truly believe that you could not make it and I guess I would just settle for that. I loved you still, to be quiet frankly with myself I can truly say I hate my heart for all of this because if it was not so hocked I would not be where I am now busy crying for you and hoping that you understand my pain meanwhile I am quiet sure you are not even hurting and possibly you do not even care If I am alive or dead, sad but true.

OOOH sweetheart it is all well now. Every broken heart shall heal and all the bleeding spots will eventually heal and stop bleeding because nothing hurts forever. Writing this has given me so much peace knowing that you will never see it nor read it so rather share it with strangers so that they can see and believe me when I say I was in love with you and unfortunately you were not. I will let my soul detach from us as slow as I can so that I can heal completely and I hope I will not loose my love for you because true love comes once in a lifetime and sadly mine was not reciprocated. I will forever cherish you and the sorrows that came with it. My dearest may you find peace and happiness. I wish you nothing but peace, love, prosperity, growth and never ceasing happiness.

My darling I will pray that you are loved right where ever you are and I hope you find peace that my love could not give you. I hope you find true love that will give this type of experience but yours must be of a life time where peace and harmony will be the centre of your wellbeing. I will be fine knowing that you do not care about me anymore which somehow makes it easy for me not to share this letter with you knowing that it will change nothing. My love please take care of yourself  be assured in knowing that you were my once in a life time.

Written from the heart by S,P DLAMINI